Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
