Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
