She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
