It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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