I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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