I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
did you just send me my own nude
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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