A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
