how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
