does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
