I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
