I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
