Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
