i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
