Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
