she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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