I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
