i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
