i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
