hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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