Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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