I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
