6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
