he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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