I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
