last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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