they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
