Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
