we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
