omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
