Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
