remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
