I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
