Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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