It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
