i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Of course I have a pirate flag
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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