i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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