Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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