lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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