what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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