Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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