glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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