Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
