if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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