I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
