note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
