yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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