I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
