No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
