Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
