You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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