Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
