My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
