I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
