if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
